


perfect

by Xiumurder



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Crossdressing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, ILY, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Violence, felix has an older sister rosie, felix's dad is a dick, han jisung/lee minho implied, no, she's lovely, they kiss a lot, uwu i love changlix, will i ever write something else?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 05:57:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16470065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xiumurder/pseuds/Xiumurder
Summary: felix felt pretty when he wore his sister’s clothes or his mother’s make up.felix didn’t understood why was it wrong, why there were some things made for girls and others for boys. he just wanted to be pretty like his mom.





	perfect

**Author's Note:**

> helloooooo im back 
> 
> this has been sitting in my block for a while now, but i finished it and i love it, hope you do too
> 
> remember, english isn't my first language, sorry for any mistakes.

felix felt pretty when he wore his sister’s clothes or his mother’s make up. he would often wear skirts or dresses and paint his lips with bright red lipstick.

the first time he showed his mom how pretty he was, she scolded him, saying that those were “things made for girls”. six years old felix didn’t understood why was it wrong, why there were some things made for girls and others for boys. he just wanted to be pretty like his mom.

his sister was nicer. rosie would lend him her clothes and made sure that neither his mother or father saw him. she didn’t have any makeup but it was more than enough for felix.

why growing older, felix began to understand why his mother has scolded him. everyone else thought like her, pink for girls, blue for boys.

the first person he ever told that e liked to wear “feminine” clothes was his friend, jeongsu. they were twelve years old and even when the other boy promised not to tell anyone, somehow, by magic the whole school found out. 

felix cried for three entire weeks. the people at school, his classmates, his friends, made him feel horrible. they would call him names and made fun of him. 

since then felix isolated himself. those people had made him think that he was sick, that there was something wrong with him and felix decided (after a long talk with his sister rosie, assuring him that there was nothing wrong with him) that he would never be involved with someone like that. also, he would never tell anybody else about his secret.

felix was thirteen when he changed schools. he couldn’t bear the judging looks, the nicknames, not having friends (or more like, his old friends making fun of him), so he decided to tell his parents that he wasn’t comfortable there anymore. 

i’m not gonna lie, it was very hard to convince his parents, even with rosie supporting him. the thing is that they told him that he could change schools if he gave them a valid reason for doing it. he couldn’t just tell them that everyone bullied him for liking girls’ clothes, specially not to his dad.

he suspected that his mother was more accepting that his father, but she was just too influenced by the older man. felix’s father was a very conservative, catholic man, who also was kind of violent. 

when felix was little, he was used to hearing his parents fight but one time, something changed. by then felix was only seven so he didn’t really understood what had happened that night but, as soon as he grew older, he simply put the pieces of the puzzle in their places.

his parents had been fighting, about something pretty much stupid, so stupid that neither felix or rosie could remember what was it about. they usually would go to their room and scream at each other but, for some reason, they were in the living room.

there was also a pretty big storm outside and felix had always been kinda scared of them, so he had gone to rosie’s room to sleep there. he remembers laying next to his sister, the older girl hugging him, the screams getting louder and so was the storm. 

the weather got so ugly that neither of them could sleep so they decided to go see their parents. rosie was barely a year older than felix so she didn’t quite understood what was going on either.

they went down the stairs and what they saw will be always stuck in felix’s head. his mother was on the floor, crying holding her face with both of her hands, his father standing in front of her, his fist up in the air.

let’s just say, that that night when his mother tucked them in in bed again, her eye was swollen and black. nobody mentioned anything from that night never before, but felix knew that that didn’t stopped there. he was clumsy but not blind, he could see his mother’s bruises here and there.

so, yeah, he was very afraid of telling them the truth, so he came up with and excuse, one that his father would support and, for that, so would his mom.

“jeongsu came out as gay” he said one night at dinner “that’s why i  want to change schools”.

his parents were more than surprised.

“it’s just that we were friends and i don’t want anyone to think that i was his boyfriend or something”.

the whole table was at silence, only the sound of forks and knives hitting against plates.

“it’s  _ disgusting _ ” he added, feeling a little bit sick at saying that.

at the end of dinner, when felix was picking the dishes, his father came up to him.

“your mother and i decided that we are going to change you from school” he said.

felix should be happy. he got what he wanted, but he couldn’t stop feeling horrible. he couldn’t believe that he had said something like that. that being gay was disgusting. 

soon the feeling disappeared and his parents made all the papers to transfer felix into another school. he promised himself that, no matter what happened, his life in his old school would be forgotten.

he began the new school year in a new place. what he called a new start with a clean slate. on his first day, the principal assigned him a guide. the boy’s name was jisung and he was overly hyperactive and actually quite nice. he proclaimed himself as felix’s friend from day 1.

that same day, jisung (who was known as the social butterfly, the boy truly was friends with everybody. actually, everyone was friends with him, the guy was too nice to not befriend) introduced him to his other friends. there was hyunjin, a dancer that he actually shared some classes with, his boyfriend seungmin, jeongin, a freshman who was very cute but very savage. the there was minho, another dancer, who also seemed to have a big fat crush on jisung, then there was kim woojin, the mother of the group, and chris, his boyfriend (yes, the father of the group, sometimes mother, they usually inverted roles). and lastly (but not least) changbin, a guy who gave a strong, badass, dark aura, but was actually a cutie pie.

felix matched good with the group so he was immediately adopted by woojin and chan, the last one being too excited about having another aussie around.

the truth is that, the more the boys opened up to felix, the more he closed himself in. he began to notice that his secret wasn’t so repulsive around this group but yet, the feeling of disapproval never abandoned felix. 

changbin became a big part of his life, so big that at some point, felix forgot how his life was before changbin. of course, he was close with everyone else in the group (jisung would ramble to him about minho, hyunjin, minho and him would dance together, woojin and chan usually invited him over to watch movies, jeongin had this certain admiration towards him and seungmin and him shared most of his classes, so they studied together a lot) but his friendship with the changbin was different. 

for the first time in his life, felix wasn’t so afraid and actually started to open up to changbin.

he was sixteen years old when he had his first kiss. it was strangely beautiful. he was hanging out with changbin in the older’s room, they were laying in the bed, simply staring at the roof, talking about nothing and everything.

“hey, lix” he suddenly said “have you kissed anyone?”

“no” the younger answered.

“why?” he asked.

he shrugged his shoulder, pouting.

“i’ve never been interested in it” felix continued “you?”

“never”

the room went quiet, both of them thinking.

“would you like to?” felix asked.

“i guess” changbin whispered “but i don’t wanna just kiss anyone, you know? i want to kiss someone that means something to me. someone that i like”.

“yeah, me too”.

they fell into silence once more but then changbin stretched his hand, grabbing felix’s.

“hey, lix” he called him again.

“huh?”

“i want to kiss you”.

“oh” the younger went quiet, but pressed changbin’s hand tighter to his chest.

“is that okay?” the black haired boy questioned.

“it’s not like you can stop it” felix laughed “and, besides, it’s not like i don’t want to kiss you”.

changbin seated in the bed, cross legged in front of felix.

“you really want to kiss me?” he inquired.

“why wouldn’t i?” felix furrowed his eyebrows.

changbin shook his head. “nothing”

felix seated too, eye to eye, face to face. there was no way to run and oddly, felix didn’t wanted to.

changbin was soft and tender, he had grabbed felix’s hands in his, he had patted his head and, when he noticed that felix was a little too nervous, he asked if he was sure.

“i am!” felix chirped “i’m just nervous”.

“don’t be” he assured, tucking a strand of hair behind felix’s ear “it’s just me. if you don’t feel  comfortable, if you want to stop, tell me. we’ll stop”

felix nodded.

the older boy caressed his face, touched his nose, maybe he ven counted how many freckles felix had. he slowly leaned in and so did felix, not really sure what to do with his hands.

you can call it cliché or whatever you want, but felix definitely felt sparks when their lips touched. changbin’s lips were chapped and rough but felix wouldn’t have it any other way.

since that day something changed between them. there was a something unspoken, but every time they were alone, they would steal some kisses here and there (felix enjoyed it, very very much).

but even like this, felix was so scared. what would his parents think about him if he told them he just went around making out with his friend, a  _ boy _ ? and another big question, what would changbin think of him if he ever told him about his secret?

when felix was seventeen, one specific day, three days after his graduation, everything went to hell. 

he was in rosie’s room, trying on some dresses. he had decided that he was telling changbin about his secret. his sister was helping him with the zipper of a dress when the door opened up. felix is never going to forget the look of hate and disgust his father had.

he showed up to changbin’s house four hours later than he had told him, holding a backpack with the only few things his father had let him take before kicking him out of the house (literally kicked him out, the bruises were proof of it).

“holy shit” changbin murmured when he saw him.

felix fell apart right there, in changbin’s porsche. the other boy quickly reacted and hugged him while comforting the blonde boy.

“let’s go in, baby” he said “it’s cold out here”

(of course, it was one a.m!)

changbin’s department was clean and warm, it smelled like vanilla. felix liked it there. the older boy had moved out of his house a year before, when his parents had moved to another city.

an hour later, when felix had actually calmed out and told the whole story to changbin (from the accident-not-really-an-accident with his mother all of those years before to what had happened that night).

“that’s what i wanted to tell you” felix said “i was trying on something pretty”.

“for me?” changbin asked shyly, while hugging him.

the younger nodded and then pulled the dress out of his backpack.

“why don’t you try it on, cupcake?” changbin suggested “i’m sure you look amazing in it”

felix wasn’t so sure but when he saw changbin’s face something inside of him moved. the older was looking at him fondly, nothing compared to the looks his “friends” used to give him, it was actually the complete opposite to that.

“oh okay” he said.

the dress was a nice old pink and did actually fitted felix so well, almost like it was made for him.

to say that changbin was stunned when he saw the younger boy was an understatement. felix looked so ethereal, so beautiful, he looked just perfect.

“oh man” changbin whispered “you… oh wow… you look very very beautiful, love”.

felix blushed.

“can you… um… turn the lights down a little bit?” he asked.

“sure, baby”

and so he did, he turned the lights low and the music on. perfect by ed sheeran wounding in the background was like the cherry on top.

“would you dance with me, lix?” changbin asked him, while stretching his hand towards him. the other boy nodded slowly and grabbed the hand.

their bodies pressed against each other, swaying to the rhythm, the whole situation was just amazing.

“i’m a mess” felix said. 

changbin pressed his forehead against felix’s own and shyly whispered:

“you look perfect”

the next morning, felix waked up in changbin’s bed, with the other’s boy arms wrapped around his waist, his sister’s dress still on. 

“good morning” he whispered when he turned around to look at changbin, who had his eyes opened.

changbin smiled.

“i don’t deserve this” he said “darling, you look perfect”

felix was officially eighteen years old when he realised something. it would never matter what clothes he would wear, if he used makeup or not, painted his nails or not. none of it mattered, all he needs is this.

seo changbin waking him up in a sunday morning with a kiss on his lips. he couldn’t ask for more.


End file.
